I reopened this blog today to start a a new journey, one to go along with the cross country road trip I will be taking in a few days. Instead of finding a blank canvas, I found the two paragraphs below - written two weeks after I graduated from Michigan, but never published. It made me think back to how scared I was when I graduated, and how unsure I was about the future. Although I am still unsure, I am not as scared. Of course I worry about the decisions I make everyday, but where I am now has proven to me that its okay to say goodbyes, and its okay to move on. When I graduated from Michigan I feared I would never find the same happiness or the same niche again. However two years later and I am still best friends with the people whom I spent my last night at the beloved Ricks. I've also been back to Ricks, a few times actually. I am about to take the road trip of a life time with one, hopefully two of my best friends in the world - two best friends who I met at Michigan. I'm going with Jacki to Seattle to help her start her new life, and I couldn't be more proud of her. I remember two years ago thinking as I wrote the words below that I wouldn't see my friends as often. I remember equating my graduation with loss, and I remember choosing not to publish them because I was so afraid that the feelings I felt while writing would be true. I can publish them now because I know that my graduation was a new beginning, and that it opened up a world of opportunities for a lifetime of change. When I wrote the words below I imagined two of my best friends getting married one day, and hoped I would be in attendance. Now, two years later, I know those two best friends are getting married, and I know I will travel through any kind of weather to be there to witness it. And I know I will be sitting there in that church two years from now with tears streaming down my face. If I could go back now to my 21 year old just graduated self, I would tell her that it will be okay. That change isn't always bad, that she will meet tons of new people that will make her happy every day, and that her best friends will still be by her side - whether in body or spirit. I would tell her that NYC is full of Michigan fans that love and breathe blue just as she did. And finally I would tell her to skip the fear. She's way too awesome to be scared.
The following was written 5/11/11, never published, and rediscovered today 8/6/13.....
Yesterday I graduated from the University of Michigan, and today I am unemployed and living with my parents in White Plains, New York. As I turned off the light to my room on the first floor of 715 Oakland Avenue, I couldn't help but let a few tears slip down my cheeks. Memories flashed in front of my eyes - pictures of people, places, and events that helped shape who I am today. Although I am no longer a student at U of M, or a resident at 715 Oakland Avenue, or an avid patron of Rick's American Cafe, these places have shaped me in so many ways. I have grown to love the sweaty, stale beer smell of Ricks, the black hole that is 715, and the unpredictable weather that defines the state of Michigan. Sadly, usually when you realize how much you love something, someone, or somewhere, it is time to say goodbye.
Last night as the last few chords of Kenny Roger's the Gambler resonated, I took a look around at my fellow classmates jumping up and down screaming the lyrics that will always remind me of my days as a student at U of M. I saw faces full of hope, love, fear, and happiness. I saw faces of people who are unsure of their futures, but who will tear ahead with courage. Each person in attendance at Ricks on graduation night was well aware they would be leaving something behind in Ann Arbor, and I am sure that each person fought hard to find a way to make time slow down. As the clock struck 2 Am, our hearts filled with happiness for the moments we did have the opportunity to share, and they filled with remorse for the moments we would never get back.
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