Goodbye, Hello

Goodbyes are never easy, especially when I am involved. I have never experienced a goodbye that did not involve at least a couple tears. Leaving India was no exception. I cried when a group of people left at 4 AM, I cried the day before everyone left when we were driving to the temples with Ramesh and Baldev, and I cried the entire ride to the airport, and most of the first plane ride to Mumbai. The people around me most of thought I was psychotic. I am so bad at goodbyes because I get attached to places, memories, and friends really easily - which is pretty ironic considering I can never hold onto a romantic relationship for more than a month or two without getting bored. Go figure.

But leaving India was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. Leaving Ann Arbor or White Plains is sad, but I always know they will be there when I get back. I also have email addresses and phone numbers of all my college and high school friends. The people I met in India do not have Internet, and they live nearly 7,000 miles from me. I may never see them again (even though my horoscope did say I would return to India in 1.5 years). Although I have phone numbers for a bunch of my Indian friends, that does not mean there are not astronomical international phone charges. I guess what makes it even harder is that if I do keep in phone contact with a couple of them (cough Naresh cough), still who knows if I will see him again? And isn't it worse to keep up contact without the possibility of meeting again? Or is that the point - to hope to meet again without any expectations? I don't know.

My month-long excursion in India was a learning process, and I would never give a second of it back. I loved nearly everyone I met there, and I believe almost everyone I met had something to offer or to teach me. Don't get me wrong, not every minute was perfect or wonderful. There were situations that were frustrating, and times where I wanted nothing more than to turn on some music, be by myself and eat a burger. But those times were few and far between. I know I will miss the nights I spent staring at the stars while listening to the chords of Louis' guitar, with everyone talking and laughing about whatever was on our minds. I made some best friends by the end of the month, and luckily some of them I will get the opportunity to see again. But there will never be a night-sky or a palace balcony like there was in Dhrangadhra. The nights we drove into town in Naresh's rickshaw to get ice cream, and the detours we took to his family's house or to walk in the gardens and smoke a cigarette are also some of my favorite memories. I hope to be able to remember the smell of smoke and cow shit mixed with frying panchea that surrounded the rickshaw as we would drive down the streets - but I can't know I will.

I wish you could just slow down time - video tape sound, smell, feelings, and thoughts - so that you could just go back in time and stay there for a while. The best part about that would be that you could come and go as you please. But everyone knows that life is not like that. Life would not be life without goodbyes, hellos, endings, or beginnings. And if things never ended, would anything be worthwhile? If I never had to leave Dhrangadhra, would I have been able to savour the experience as much as I did? Probably not. As much as I wish it didn't end, I would never know how much I loved India or the people I met within it if I hadn't been forced to leave. You never know how much you love something until it is gone. But thankfully, now I have a family in India and a family in Pennsylvania to add to my repertoire. And if I start missing my friends in Dhrangadhra, I just have to close my eyes and think back to that last day with the staff going from temple to temple - being tired, but never wanting it to end for fear that when it did end it would mean it was really time to go home. And I know I never wanted to go home.

Monkeying Around

You know how I always said I wanted to tryout for the real world? Turns out I don't need to anymore because I am currently in Real World: Dhrangadra, but instead of having 7 strangers I have 13. Being stuck in a palace during siesta hours (the hottest part of the day) really causes peoples' true thoughts/feelings/actions to come out. It is actually kind of amusing.

Yesterday we found two monkeys on the top of our palace. For an hour at least we watched tried to get them to come down by throwing rocks at them. They eventually came swinging down and we scattered every time for fear that they would start chasing us. Not going to lie, it was pretty exhilarating. At the same time the sky got very dark, and it looked like rain clouds were coming in. But of course we are in the middle of a heat wave, so none of us expected the rain that appeared within the next half hour. Apparently it was the first time it had rained in 6 months. It was incredible - the sky was gorgeous because as the sun set it was still dark with the hint of rain clouds. People who were in town when the rains started said that the kids all ran into the middle of the street jumping up and down and screaming with joy. I kind of wish I had gotten to see that. I thought the rain was fantastic, and secretly I hope we have a small scale monsoon so that I can call Camp Hillard and say I can't come into work because I am stuck in India in a monsoon. That is an excuse if I have ever heard one!

Funny story: If any of you know me, a lot of people at school make fun of me for being able to walk anywhere and run into at least five people I know on the way, and actually stop and have a conversation with each of them. Well, last week (at least I think it was last week but who knows since sense of time is pretty much out the window right now) I was riding in a rickshaw with Diana and Kelly, and walking down the street I see the wife of Mehule (the music instructor). I waved to her and she waved back! I ran into someone I knew on a random street in Gujarat, India. Freaking great. Also, every time we go to Vadilal for ice cream (a place similar to a soda pop shop) we see Naresh (whose other name is Manu) - the coolest rickshaw driver. He just is able to find us nearly every time we go somewhere. Its pretty awesome.

Last week I got henna on my left arm and both my ankles/feet, but it is starting to fade. I may decide to get my hand done again before I go back home but I am not sure. I think we are all pretty henna-ed out right now. I believe I have also hit around the 1000 picture mark, or at least that is what my Iphoto tells me. Get ready for some epic facebook picture albums when I get back. It is hard to believe we only have a week and a half left here. I feel like we just got here! I already know that it will be terribly difficult to leave this place and the people I have met here behind. I mean where else will I get to fall asleep outside on the balcony of a palace on a cot under the stars listening to the lone chords of a guitar?

INDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

India IS amazing! This place is absolutely unlike anything I could have imagined. The streets are crazy, there are no rules about driving, there are elephants, peacocks, monkeys, frogs, chipmunks, and flies everywhere. But to top it all off I am staying in a PALACE. That's right, a palace. Apparently the man who is running this study abroad program I am participating in is a PRINCE. How freaking cool is that?

But India is something else. I have not really had a chance to post on here because I have been so busy and we do not have easy access to internet. I am using one of my friend's computers right now (yes, I did make friends in the end after all that worrying). Haha. But today I went around to four different temples in Dhrangadhra and took pictures of all the gods and goddesses' shrines. I also got to go shopping in the center of town. Ice cream here is 10 rupees, aka 10 CENTS basically. Furthermore, everyone is SO NICE. All the Indian people want to be your friend and know your name and take your picture or have you take their picture. Especially the staff here at the palace (who barely speak english, but somehow we communicate) are amazing. They are so fun to try to talk to and I feel like I learn something new everyday. The guys who serve us food are hillarious... Sandip told me I was beautiful the other day when I was wearing one of the Indian style shirts I had just bought. The rickshaw drivers (this little cab-like vehicle that we use to get around town in) are so great. They love to talk to us and drive us around, and one day Manu even let Brianne drive the rickshaw! Manu and I also have a handshake - its pretty damn sweet.

But India itself is beautiful, hot, dry, and tiring. Its hard sometimes being in a place where some people barely understand a word you are saying. But in a way its a blessing in disguise... we use other ways to communicate and we are overly friendly since we can't use our words half the time. This is one of the first times I have experienced language barriers to this extent, and its tough. But I'm getting by - most people understand a little bit of English and those who don't are just happy to be in our presence, or happy to have us in their town. I'm even learning a little bit of Gujurati, while at the same time teaching my roommate Ojashwiba (who is one of our native Gujarati translators) expressions like "to have a crush on someone." That was funny, she thought it was so weird that we use a word "crush" to describe liking a boy. I never really thought about that until I was explaining it to her... us Americans are a little strange :)

Yours,

Jaya (my Indian name bestowed on me by Bapa)

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game

Fear. What is the point of it? What does it do? Where does it come from? Why do we feel it? Fear is an emotion that I usually never feel except of course during those unavoidable encounters with spiders, most insects, sharks, and snakes. Some people get nervous before softball games, skating competitions, big presentations, or other life-altering moments, but I rarely do. Even this year when my synchronized skating team competed at nationals and ended up in second place, I was not nervous. I was merely excited, filled with a kind of joy that one usually experiences during those rare moments that they will always remember. But tomorrow I am leaving to study abroad in a small village in Gujarat, India for a month. I do not really know anyone else who is in my group, and I am so nervous.

Bertrand Russell said, "Those who fear life are already three parts dead." But did he ever travel to a remote village in an Indian desert during a heat wave (120 degree weather) with people whose last names he did not know? I don't think so. I do understand his point that you can't let fear stop you from living your life and having memorable experiences. Therefore I am jumping on that 15 hour flight to Mumbai, and then an hour flight to Ahmedabad to have an experience I probably will never forget and I am not looking back. (Well I may look back a little bit, but isn't that what facebook and email are for?)

But at the same time, fear is necessary. As long as you don't let it run your life or keep you from doing things that you love, fear lets you know that you are uncomfortable. It is a warning sign that you are entering a circumstance that may create change. And change is always scary. Some of the best experiences of my life were times I was a little bit scared of at first, even though I wouldn't admit it. I think everyone has a little bit of fear whenever they try something new, even if it is usually buried so deep in our hearts that we can't even recognize it. Who knows? Fear is just nerves dressed up in a different pair of pants.

So why did I decide to keep a blog about this trip? I'm not really sure. A lot of people told me I should, so that I can look back at my experiences once I return and remember emotions I have felt, thoughts I had, or events that I do not want to forget. But also, I do love to write. No matter how often I complain about the number of papers I write each year at school, or how much I hate picking up that pen to begin (or in this case opening up my laptop), I do find it relaxing. There is also something really nice about seeing your writing published on the internet, even if it is only your blog on which it is published.

Anyways I do not know how often I will be able to write on this blog because I am not sure how fantastic the internet access will be where I am going. But hopefully I will be able to write as often as I want. I feel a pressing urgency to do so because the nostalgia for college years has already set in and I haven't even begun my senior year! I know, I am a little crazy. But these last three years at U of M have gone by so freaking fast, and I just want time to slow down. I can't imagine graduating and being a real person because I am so good at being a kid. However, I do want my 21st birthday to come as soon as possible. But then time can stop for awhile :)

See you in India!